Life, 我的心情写照

2011-10-09T20:23:00.000+08:00

27 Sep 2011

或许很冷漠，或许很无情，但我欣赏此刻的我，专注于自己的不快乐，而不是别人的生与死。我以为我会很辛苦，很想要去关心那些不值得的人，但显然的，我没有。心里还是不爽占上风，是好事，因为我很少会为自己着想。

很多次，我都会忘记，又会掉落极有可能让我难过的陷阱，不过，此刻的无情让我知道我没有。或许过几天后，我又打回原型，但不管了，只要现在开心就好。

管他的，你怎么死都不管我的事，小气的我就是这样。

你不是不管吗？那就这样吧！

2011-10-09T20:13:00.002+08:00

26 Sep 2011

有点寂寞，甚至是受伤的感觉。我知道这是为什么，但是不是很想去面对。

总是会为了一个人，一个不在乎自己的人，而忽略了其他努力带给自己欢乐的人。我很想不去理会不值得的人，但心总是不听使唤，像是着了魔，理智失去了，有的竟是无聊的难过。

我该怎么做呢？

怎样才能被这些无聊琐事释放，不再被约束，脱离它，找到快乐？

我很讨厌此刻的自己。

2011-05-14T13:23:00.002+08:00

Friends Stop At A Point Where Nothing Too Personal Involves

I wonder why cant friends be as close as family... I do regards my close friends like own family members which is why I will show them my most true sefl, my temper, my emotion, my feeling without hiding at all, but apparently, friends are not the ones whom you should show all these. You can only show happiness, you can only share joy. What about sadness, upsetness? No, you cant, or you will be said as problematic. Friends only stop at a point where nothing too personal involves. Thats the friendship I get all the time, and I have to accept it because that how it is going along. No choice no choice.

2011-05-08T16:30:00.003+08:00

GE 2011

I have a real mixed feeling over GE 2011, on one hand I am happy with the fact Singaporeans finally speak up their mind and not being controlled politically, but I am also find it a pity that some good leaders have to leave due to GRC rule. Why can't everyone stand as one, and really serve the country without wanting to only stand out as their own party? I am not a singaporean, but I do appreciate the stability of the country, you can never know how it feel like to be under a corrupted ruling government for some countries.

Anyway, I have a real bad arguments with a really close friend of mine due to me making comment over an obvious fact, to her, I was making some personal attack, for goodness sake, I didn't, I was blunt with my words but I didnt mean anything evil for your bloody info. Get your emotion out of your head and judge me by who I am, feeling extremely pissed with you, shit!

No matter what, you as my friend, should know I am who I am, stop thinking the way you want and making me becoming like what you are thinking of. You shit! yes, you definitely are this time round.

Pissed pissed pissed!

2010-11-13T09:34:00.000+08:00

欢笑背后流着眼泪，坚强背后隐藏着寂寞。“没有女人喜欢被称赞坚强，是有所缺失，才被迫自强。外表的坚强可以是女人最大的痛楚”-滕丽名。。。我不想否认，我并不希望被冠上“坚强”的标签，因为真实的我其实很懦弱，会为了芝麻绿豆的事而掉泪。但，只因倔强，所以都会暗自擦干眼泪。所以真正的我既懦弱又倔强，无奈只能武装起来。其实我很希望不用武装自己，其实我的心真的受伤了，而且伤痕累累。。。

2010-09-10T02:33:00.003+08:00

wonder if it is possible to set privacy to my blog coz more unknown ppl r leaving weird comments... so many things happened recently, feeling so tired, but luckily some are with positive outcomes.. now the most problematic matter is accommodation, wonder how to secure cheap rental room in a mth time, really big headache. Just HOPE everything'll b solved eventually when time arives just as I wish for, my GOD will be with me!

2010-08-19T02:05:00.002+08:00

They arrive so confident - but what a disappointment! They get there and their faces fall! And you, my so-called friends, are no better - there's nothing to you! One look at a hard scene and you shrink in fear. It's not as though I asked you for anything - I didn't ask you for one red cent - Nor did I beg you to go out on a limb for me. So why all this dodging and shuffling? "Confront me with the truth and I'll shut up, show me where I've gone off track. Honest words never hurt anyone, but what's the point of all this pious bluster? You pretend to tell me what's wrong with my life, but you treat my word of anguish as so much hot air. Are people mere things to you? Are friends just items of profit and loss? --- Job 6:10 - 7:3

2010-07-03T23:16:00.003+08:00

我一直认为只要真诚，别人必然能感觉得到，因而接受我。但我错了，因为人越多的地方，越多是非纷争，即使我真心对待他人，有些人竟开始想我对他们好是不是有企图，或者我是不是刻意讨好别人好让自己受欢迎一点。坦白讲，受欢迎能当饭吃吗？况且若我真想要讨好人，我不是更应该讨好那些对我有利的人如上司啊，帅哥啊，我讨好跟我地位一样的人来干嘛。坦白讲，我蛮受伤的，因为我的真心竟换来一堆怀疑，猜忌。我试着告诉自己管它的，但心情还是受影响了。现在我必须藏起我的真心，必须对人苛刻一点，这样才会让他人停止猜忌，但这其实很可悲不是吗？我有的时候真的觉得很无奈，唉。。。

2010-06-23T02:34:00.004+08:00

感觉有点无奈，因为仿佛现有生活只有工作，围绕身边的只有同事。虽然跟同事们建立了良好的友谊，也学到了如何更和睦地于人相处，但觉得空空的，心灵缺少了什么。现有工作时间不固定，除了跟自己一样时间表的同事混在一起，也没有其他朋友能迁就自己的时间了。面对情绪低落失控时，也无处宣泄，因为一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳，害怕把心事说出来，又被自己信赖的人拒绝分享，唯有自己吞，感觉其实还蛮寂寞的。没关系，人本来就自私，如果不关自己的事，即使再好的朋友，也只会点到为止地聆听，这样倒不如什么都不说，这样也不会给他人造成负担，以后见面还能说说笑笑，还是朋友。只是其实我是个容易受伤的人，又挺小气的，所以若我不改掉，那就头痛咯，因为我会一直。。。

2010-06-15T00:13:00.001+08:00

矛盾，混乱，不知所措。。。

2010-06-01T04:43:00.003+08:00

原来智商，社会历练，和年龄是完全没挂钩的。一位20来岁的人说的话题不一定只是时尚，潮流，废话，反观一位30来岁，讲得可能都是一些无关紧要的事。可惜啊，可惜。。。话说回来，电车上乘风破浪的感觉还挺不错的，凉风打在脸庞的感觉，蛮清爽的。

2010-05-30T13:01:00.002+08:00

Had breakfast with Meanie today, felt happy bcoz she had constantly asking how am I via sms and make the effort to ask me out. I told her my lousy schedule, and she actually bothered to accommodate to my timing and made the effort to wake up early to meet me. Everytime i received her sms asking how am I, i just feel blessed bcoz despite my busy schedule, she remembers me and she never fails to poke me when she up on fb, these are jus simple ways to brighten my days:D NO one wants to be forgotten, and I'm blessed that I'm not, sweet!

2010-04-29T23:04:00.002+08:00

Realising how I can enter people's lives and just get out of them without any second thoughts from these people.

Wondering who am I to these people...

Luke 6:15-36:
"There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests...Your task is to be true, not popular."

Well, when I'm being true, I'm not popular anymore, but this is how I can view the truth.

2010-04-21T13:51:00.007+08:00

Refreshing my thoughts and I realised I once felt the loves from my friends a couple of times.

1. It was O' Level period, I was telling one of my close friends that I felt extremely stressed, so she asked me to get a short nap, or I could never study calmly. Thus, I really went to sleep and she was kind enough to call me 2 hours later and asked if I was feeling better. I told her I did and thanked her for the wake-up call, and she actually further helped me to calm me down by playing a beautiful piano piece for me. I was extremely touched because I was so so so stressed at that time. And she bothered to keep herself updated with my well-being despite she was very stressed for her own O' Level too. For this incident, it will always remain in my heart and whenever I start to feel angry with this person, thinking back of what she did, I just tell myself, it is ok.

2. It was WritComm assessment and I was super tensed because I just felt that I would flung the assessment. This friend of mine realised my tension and asked me if I was ok. I told him about my feeling and he actually asked me how was I coping with the assessment consecutively for few days. This action helped me tremendously as I was really helpless then, and despite his own busy assessment schedule, he bothered about my matter. His care and concern just let me know that I was not alone. In the end, he offered further assistance by helping me with the assessment and thus, I passed. Though we are not in frequent contact nowadays, but his assistance and support during my down period will always be remembered.

3. I did not say a word but this person managed to feel that I was feeling low, and started to ask people around me if I was ok because this person felt that since I did not share, perhaps I did not want others to know. This action really really make me feel secure, that at least someone is bothering about my well-being, someone actually sense my inner feeling without me telling. I am still feeling glad for this incindent.

Sometimes when one is down, seriously, nothing but closer and more frequent concern during that period can help undoubtedly.

The worst week had past, with no assistance but more dejected feelings. But I learn more through this week that if I rely too much on others' assistance, I will not be the only one who feel tired. This world is constantly changing for each of us, thus, if I just harp on too much hoping to get help and when I don't get any, I will sink even faster. Self-cure and reliance on GOD seem more reliable to me nowadays.

My dear Daddy GOD, thank you for being there all the time for me...

2010-04-18T19:16:00.002+08:00

My friend just told me that friends would only be there for certain limit of time, so that was the essential reason to have a bf or husband to fill up the time which friends couldn't fill up. So I said "does that mean those without bf/husband/gf/wife ought to face all problems alone?", my friend replied "ya".

Hmm, so too bad for me since I don't have bf/husband, so my pain can only be absorbed by myself, so even if I'm in desperate situation and want to share my problem, hoping to get more attention, I can only say this to myself, "Sorry Eny, you don't have bf/husband, so no choice, you've to face alone hor, because if you expect too much from friends, they will be driven away by you".

So the more I shouldn't believe in this line "I'll Always be there for you should you in need", if a friend ever tell me this line again, I will reply:
"thank you for the try, but save it, because you're not my husband/bf, so I know you can never make it".

Weird enough, though I don't believe anymore if friend ever tell me that sentence, but that sentence still works on me, because when I really say that, I really mean it, and I'll surely do it. I don't need to be that person's bf/husband/gf/wife, but if I ever say that to someone, that will mean that person is super important to me, and I'll surely preach what I say, so not anyone can get this sentence from me. I seriously don't think only intimate relationships can allow 2 people to care so so so much for each other. So my friends, sorry for sharing different opinions. But like I said, thank you for telling me the truth, letting me realise a friend is just a friend and only a friend, especially at my very down moment, your words made me learnt even more. Perhaps it is good to learn harsh lesson at difficult time, absorbed in more painful manner, thus, remember it more clearly for life.

There again, not that I'll do it, others will do the same too.

2010-04-18T17:03:00.002+08:00

为什么在我已经这么难过的时候，人没有继续伸手救援，反而加重了我难过的情绪？
我不否认因为自己的情绪让别人也难过了，但在我这么难过的时候，难道不能对我多点包容吗？给我多一点包容，此刻真的对我非常重要，为什么我却得不到？
我，真的，真的很难过。。。

2010-04-18T00:54:00.008+08:00

I'll never believe in this sentence anymore: "I'll always be there for you when you in need", never, bcoz I realised how easy it is to say that sentence yet so difficult to practise it. I do say this sentence to my friends, but when I say it, I mean it & hold my words, so thinking others will do the same as me, but I am definitely wrong.

It's even more hurting to believe in this sentence when really facing down period. To those who say this sentence, you'll never know how you may disappoint the one whom you say this sentence to when you don't do as you preach. When people look you up, that shows how you are trusted, but if you think you don't want to have such responsibilities, say it from the very beginning & never say the above sentence so readily. Don't ever say it, then when people find you more than once, you say you're stressed, this DEFINITELY adds on the down factors to the existing ones.

I'm glad that I'm a CHRISTIAN bcoz at least I have my beloved FATHER & CHRIST looking after me. A BIG thanx to those who disappoint me as you'd taught me a great lesson & also assured my thought that I'm only needed for FUN purposes. All those beautiful words are plainly said to make yourself feel better, when at the same time making me thinking myself being ungrateful. But truth is, when I do as told, no replies at all. So what's the point...

Anyway, lesson learnt enables me to know this - don't bother people with your problems bcoz people will feel stressed, GROW UP & settle own problems; this world is realistic.

2010-04-15T01:05:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I really wish to just say out how I'm feeling, but I'm scared that my emotion will affect others and I really don't wish to appear weak in front of others. Thus, I swallow everything all into myself, but the emotion may be so great that tears just flow uncontrollably which I find it rather hard to manage.

How I wish that there is this person who can spot my trouble without even the need I open my mouth. Sometimes, I just hope there is such person appears in my life. Whoever will do. However, other than GOD & CHRIST, no one can auto-emphatize with me to know that something is going on in me.

PS: My DEAREST DADDY GOD & MY LORD JESUS, I know I'm and I'll be blessed ultimately, but sometimes, can my blessings just reach me in faster pace? Because the stress is unbearable.

2010-04-05T02:01:00.000+08:00

喜欢不是占有，所以我愿意献上最真诚的祝福，因为看着他幸福，我也很快乐！：）

2010-03-30T12:34:00.004+08:00

Feeling disappointed lately because I realised that people whom I expect to care ended up only bothered if I could be the entertainer, or just ignoring.

Is this how things should turn out to be?

Maybe it is my fault after all, for not letting them know that I do have downs. It is maybe just my fault that I be entertainer so much that I forget to shout out loud, "Hey, I'm SAD at times".

But after all, I do have a group whom really shows no emphaty, don't I?

2010-03-29T01:35:00.003+08:00

我不曾把爸爸对我的疼爱当成一回事，基本上我对父亲的在乎程度应该算是在家中最少的。

他车祸那天，看到他没事后，我只觉得松一口气还有生气，却没有丝毫的心痛。倘若你看到自己的亲人出事，你多半会觉得心里难过，而非像我一样。很多次，我都提醒自己不可以这样，也尝试跟自己说对他好一点，因为他差点因为自己的不在乎出事。那晚，看到他一整晚疼痛不已，我内心也是自责多过心痛。我深知我不够爱我爸。

今天，姐姐告诉我他差一点喘不过气的事，我马上一阵鼻酸。突然想起前几天他发简讯给我，问我近况。可笑吧，竟然是父亲问候女儿而不是女儿问候父亲。我当时只是简短地说我还好，也没问他身体何样。我深知我不是个好女儿，因该说我烂透了。现在回想起来，他当时应该是抱着欠佳的身体传简讯给我的吧。想到这里，我哭了。

我知道爸爸最疼我，但我真的不知道要怎么去爱他。我只有请求上帝眷顾我父母，让他们身体健康。

“爸，对不起。”

2010-03-22T01:29:00.005+08:00

I told a friend, everything in life is pre-planned by GOD, thus, everything happens for a reason. Even though the thing happens may not to our favour, we still have to face it bravely, and always think positively.

Yes, we are put in dilemma at times, but ultimately, solution will be given as well. Hence, I believe everything we encounter, be it good or bad, it is the process that matters most; it is the process that makes us learn about what life is all about.

I have tried my very best from now on to look at things positively in every aspect. I must say so far so good.

To my friend who faces downs, please cheer up and worry not, as GOD will never leave you. To my friend who faces ups, please treasure and never take it for granted, as these are blessings from GOD.

To sum up, GOD's grace is eternal and great.

2010-03-22T01:15:00.003+08:00

Recalling Preaching...

- Only believing can produce good livings, thus to be good livings, we should start believing.
- Heirs are chosen by their faith not by their obedience towards 10 commandments of law (which is why Abraham was so blessed throughout his life even though he wasn't that great after all since he sold his wife twice just to keep himself alive, but well, he never doubted GOD, so he was blessed), so we should stay faithful throughout, don't doubt, for we'll surely be blessed as long as we have faith.
- When we work, GOD rests, when we rest, GOD works things out for us, so we should rest more.

May peace be with all of us all the time...

2010-03-20T02:51:00.002+08:00

每当这首歌曲播放的时候，你的样子就会自然地浮现脑海中。
就想赖着你的愿望又莫名地盘旋着，转啊砖啊，头好痛哦。

“也许时间是一种解药，
也是我现在正服下的毒药。”

2010-03-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

好烦好烦真的好烦啊！！！

2010-03-14T23:58:00.002+08:00

Recalling Preaching...

Distracted because I wasn't sure if sister did attend the session since she didn't bring her hp and I couldn't contact her at all. Hmm, actually I worried too much; she had made a special attempt to wake up early, drove all the way to Suntec, why would she miss the session just because she couldn't find me...How stupid of me...

Anyway, today's preaching, I understood 100%. Cool huh! Thanks to Pastor Prince, I guess my listening ability has returned.

Points absorbed --- Hagah = Grace for Grace (more and more Grace)
Endless loving from GOD and Saviour, we're absolutely blessed, and I can feel it:)

2010-03-08T23:00:00.001+08:00

She's back...

Talked to her, she promised she would change, and I chose to believe her.

2010-03-07T22:00:00.002+08:00

Recalling Preaching...

Points absorbed:
1. Chew the cud (Gerar) --- bring the ideas/points/teachings obtained into the heart; mutter them so that the they will enter your heart, then you will be able to remember and truly understand them.
2. Help does not come from human but from 'ABOVE'.

Sidenote: I was distracted for today's session, but I managed to calm my distracted mind after few attempts.

2010-03-01T14:41:00.004+08:00

Recalling Preaching...

1. Crush my hand for you....
2. The unclean ones will be cleansed when touched by the clean ones...
3. GOD & Christ just love us so even though we are sinners...

Hmm, my sister asked me if I would cry during Church session, I said no, she told me she would most of the time, I asked why, she said maybe she was full of sins, then I replied "everyone is sinner".

But yesterday, I almost teared, not because I am a sinner (I mean I am a sinner) but because I felt the love from Christ, his sacrifices for all of us. Am I in the family already?

2010-02-26T15:57:00.004+08:00

该怎么说呢。。。我觉得我这个人就是想要对身边的人，尤其是朋友好，好到一种程度我把他们当作亲人。

人有情绪起伏这点我接受，每当身边的人情绪不好时，我多数都会想办法让他们开心点，可当一些人不开心时，即使知道我是无心耍赖还是说废话，以往的嘻嘻哈哈都不见了，留下的只是责备或是我不了解他们的这类话语，听了心里还挺不舒服的。间接的我的情绪也受到影响，起伏不定了起来。

其实我知道他们是跟我很交心所以才对我如此敞开最真实的情绪，不过我觉得我的情绪却被忽略了。已经很多人对我这样了，情绪不好时不管我做什么都惹到他们，换来一堆听了让人不开心的话。应为我对他们好，在乎他们，所以有点被压下去的感觉。难道我只能接受他们的情绪而他们不能更理智地接受我的作风吗。好像根本知道我没那个意思，那干吗硬说或觉得我有那个意思。明知道我只是想缓和气氛，干嘛却发脾气说我不懂得看情形做事。

我能让，也很习惯让人，对于我珍惜的朋友，我更不介意，但我很希望同样地被珍惜。若知道我的本意，就别扭曲，即使在情绪不好时也不要误解我，不然我会很难过因为我觉得我变成他们情绪低落的出气筒，而因为他们情绪正不好，所以变成发脾气是理所当然的事。有情绪不应该是发脾气的借口。

算一算，应该有3个很好的朋友这么对待我了吧。。。哎。。。

2010-02-25T22:52:00.001+08:00

有时候。。。

有时候你希望一些人多关心自己一点，所以开始祈求。
好了愿望实现，某些人确实关心自己起来，到那时候又觉得可以的话别那么关心，因为开始想东想西。

唉，人类真的很矛盾。。。

2010-02-22T17:11:00.001+08:00

As requested by Xinmei, hereby I announce, I am Married!

2010-02-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

Swear an oath? It's quite a scary thing to do, and I need to be fully responsible for what I've swore and promised. But I'll still do it because I want to see my brother asap.

Please...

2010-02-19T19:09:00.002+08:00

姐姐跟我说了句“童梦奇圆”里的一句台词，听了觉得是句名言：

“人是最可悲的是它不能重来，但最可喜的是它不用重来”

若遇到不好的事发生，就告诉自己，虽然不能在事情发生前做防止的举动，但却能告诉自己这一切不用重来，而且等最坏的事情过去了后，一切自然雨过天晴。

神父说过“只要相信，必得解脱。”

2010-02-17T22:59:00.003+08:00

Dad is getting better and he can move around steadily except that he is still feeling pain near his abdomen.

When I think back about everything, it is just like scripted. Everything is pre-destined. And I do feel guilty in a way because though I did not hear about mum saying dad drank before driving, my mind did not really pay attention to dad that day. Sometimes I just guilty for not paying more attention to my parents. Yes, I take them for granted. After the accident, I tell myself repeatedly that I must learn to love them more, but I am still very far away from loving them. I must try harder and harder and harder...

Still have not seen brothers for days, and everyone miss them. I pray for them everyday, hoping they can come back asap.

Dear GOD, have my prayers reached YOU? Please...

2010-02-15T22:15:00.010+08:00

Ever having such feeling whereby you were almost the cause for any mishaps happened to your kin? I had it today. The feeling was extremely scary, guilty, uneasy, devastated. For the first time in my life, I had such feeling, and the effect was so overwhelming that I couldn't stop my tears from flowing even after seeing my kin was safe and sound with only minor injuries.

I sincerely pray that this will be the first and the last time for encountering such experience in my whole entire life.

SHE claimed she told me he drank so wanted me to go with him, BUT I SWEAR SHE DIDN'T. Sometimes it was someone close to you who could make you felling as if you were falling into the hell. The feeling was horrible.

THANKS GOD for saving and blessing all those whom I care, thank YOU!

2010-02-12T14:11:00.002+08:00

You'll need 3 things before you going to battle: Weapon, Shield and Courage.

Lacking any of the 3 is unacceptable, because you'll probably die in the battle. Hence, before going to war, prepare the 3 things, otherwise, never go to battle.

2010-02-08T00:00:00.002+08:00

Recalling preaching.

"When people encounter with problems, the first question comes to their mind is 'GOD, what have I done wrong? Why am I being punished?' Instead of asking 'what has my believing gone wrong?', people will just assume the problems are forms of punishment given by their GOD.

I called Sister about what the Pastor said in today's session, and I was glad she bothered to listen, because she was quite stubborn in nature. I hoped my words were of some helps, at least served as form of encouragement to her.

Today's preaching was great and meaningful, at least in my context. And I was super glad that Pastor only went round explaining one point rather than covering few points over one hour session. "Heng lo" for a newbie like me. Still, Pastor is super random but I kinda like it, coz it will not be too boring.

2010-02-03T01:06:00.001+08:00

I was amazed by Ms Li's sense of humour, upgrade sia!!! Well, I should really cut down on one-on-one meet-up sessions with Ms Li before six-pack-muscles start forming around my cheeks 8-)

LOL, a hilarious night though...:D

2010-02-01T23:20:00.007+08:00

很想告诉你，但是没勇气，
所有的话只能藏在心里，自己叹着气。
虽然很努力，为了迎合你，
却发现已经找不回自己，心里下起雨。

脑子里充满你温柔语气，
越来越喜欢你。
想要牵着你，带你到处旅行，
成为你心中的唯一。

屋子里的满室花瓣香气，
犹如你身上的气息，
让我情有独钟，不知觉地一直想你，
我该如何处理？

看着你眼神里，依然有着她背影，
虽然不愿意，但是我已没力气，
最后我只好选择放弃。

2010-01-31T23:48:00.005+08:00

Trying to recall the preaching of today's Church session, I found that I was information overloaded. Funny, entertaining and charismatic Pastor indeed, but for a begineer like me, I guessed it was pretty hard for me to absorb all of his preaching.

Few points that I could vaguely remember:
1. Evil thoughts could only takes place with feeling realms
2. Money is GOOD, but don't be its slave
3. 117 is the shortest while 119 is the longest, so 118 in between. From 1-117 has 594 verse, 119-end has also 594 verse, so altogether 1188 verse, hence, 118 verse 8 is the middle of the BIBLE (am I right?)
4. "I had enough for myself, my wife, and my Baby, but I'm still standing here preaching, Please Lah, this is because I love you all" (well-said, and I choose to believe He is Sincere)

Well, I don't really know if I am right about those points, but something like that lo. Anyway, a Great Day for me, because had learnt something meaningful, a Great Lunch and Great Shopping Trip (though not for me).

P/S: To me, it is not wrong for a Pastor to draw high salary, because it is his ability enabling him to earn that amount of money, but it is definitely wrong if a Chairman of a Charitable Organisation misusing Charity Fund for personal use. There is a BIG difference between the two.

2010-01-28T15:22:00.001+08:00

林晓培(烦)

自从我看到你就每天失眠食欲不振
因为我不是你喜欢的那种女生
我不想讨你欢心又担心自己难过
但你的要求总让每个女生觉得残忍

我只要看到你就胃快抽筋心律不整
你知道我不是很做作的那种女生
我不想改变发型也不想变换口气
只为了让你让你让你爱我更认真

烦哪烦哪烦得不能呼吸
烦哪烦哪烦得没有力气烦哪
我烦啊

烦哪烦哪烦得不敢相信
烦哪烦哪烦得歇斯底里烦哪
我烦啊

2010-01-24T13:08:00.004+08:00

Went to watch Hachiko...

Start off with a man found a dog, brought dog back home, got scolded by wife, wife accepted slowly bla bla bla boring story plot...

I hope to see more special scenarios, but the only thing I saw was dog went to railway station by itself and waited for his owner to return from work same time same spot everyday. Throughout the show, that was the only scenario and repeated and repeated and repeated...

Well, I did cried because even after the owner passed away, the dog continued waiting for 10 years. I cried for its loyalty, that was the only plus point from the show that gained my heart.

Still, it is not worth watching unless you don't mind paying to watch the same scenario over and over and over again...

2010-01-23T12:59:00.001+08:00

动力火车 --- 不甘心不放手

想放弃却不能甘心放手
眼泪在梦中却苦痛了我
让你伤心不如先忘记你
反正你不会是我的

2010-01-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

天下起雨了人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

2010-01-20T11:10:00.009+08:00

看着你渐渐逃离，我知道机会已离我而去。
是我不好还是你没清醒，为何不让我走进去。
我已走入禁区，
独自唱着悲伤的歌曲。

多少个夜晚失眠，希望能牵着你的手一起狂奔。
多想探听你的近况，却因胆怯而收起慰问。
等待已变成习惯，
为何你总是视而不见。

我也不想这样，谁知心早已被囚禁。
只能眺望天空，祈祷你躲过风吹雨淋。

你好傻变成朋友口中唯一的回响。
离不开了，我对自己说勇敢面对绝望。
相信你也不想，带来这样的无奈与悲伤。
我不怪你，只能安静守候你寂寞的身旁。

倘若有一天，你开始注意了我的脸庞，
岁月的痕迹代表了我对你快乐的盼望。
能否牵着你已不再是我的主要期望。
只盼你能抓住幸福往更好的终点展翅飞翔。

2010-01-20T01:32:00.007+08:00

Hmm, I think I fall in love with my blog, though it's girlish pink, super gu niang, but I actually like it...Can't stand myself sometimes for my Gu-Niang-Ness.8-)

I can start forming Losers' Club, and my friend can be member cause she can't get what she wants and I can't get what I want. So sad for us, but who ask us to be so useless:(

2010-01-19T14:02:00.006+08:00

最后一抹的微笑
在转身之后
我闭上眼哭了
仅存的一点点骄傲
华丽的外表终于丢掉
很彷徨很孤单是寂寞或悲惨
一个人该怎么办

像是刺猬般防范
伪装的勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上一片无声黑暗心痛的大声呼喊

我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤

承认我没那么坚强
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象哭吧

Falling in love with the lyrics of this song...

2010-01-19T01:10:00.005+08:00

I think something should be kept in dark if it may cause discomfort or unhappiness to anyone whom you really care. Hence, when trying to say things that may cause impact, one should really think before saying anything. Otherwise, there will be no turning back.

Sometimes I don't mean to hide anything, it is just that I don't think something is suitable to say out. Cause I don't wish those whom I care get affected in any manner. I want and I wish the best for all those whom I care.

Lion Head is filled, can't sleep, can't sleep... Just hope sleepless night, don't think, don't think...

P/S: Thanks for listening and understanding me. Your words meant alot. But believe me, I don't mean it...

2010-01-17T23:04:00.004+08:00

I looked super scary now...Lion King is the only description I can give myself...

Praying hard, hope Lion King can become little lamb soon....

2010-01-15T00:46:00.006+08:00

My legs numb, caused by 18-floor climbing...

Sidenote: I hope my friend, Ms. Lee, can stop pk-ing, because she simply thinks too much. I can't wait for her to go Truly Asia on upcoming Saturday where she can start 'plantationing' and stop irritates me 8-).

I don't and I won't miss you la, 12 consecutive days is enough lo 8-).

2010-01-14T01:13:00.005+08:00

其实被人关心，有些时候会让自己更脆弱。

若一向来都是自己处理心情，不管好于坏，都是自己知道，自己解决。
一旦有人走进来关心自己，依赖的心随之增加，体内的勇敢相反地变得薄弱。
本来可以自己跌倒，自己站立，但因有人能依赖，却变得扭扭捏捏。
因此，不仅自己有负担，别人的负担也加重了。

或许关心自己的人会说"没关系"，但这种"没关系"能维持到什么时候？
一旦别人累了，依赖霎时间无从寄托，到时若跌到，应该会跌得更重吧?

是不是应该回到原点？自己的事自己搞定，不得麻烦别人？更好吧？

2010-01-14T00:50:00.001+08:00

走了一大圈，平静似神仙。

我知道，我明白。

2010-01-12T16:11:00.005+08:00

我开始认为我是一个成人了。

不知怎么的，从去年12月开始，我觉得我的脑好像开窍了。突然间觉得，我是一个可以被依靠的人了。
我想结束自艾自怜的日子，我想成为身边重要的人们一个重要的支柱。可以被依靠让我觉得很快乐，因为我知道我的存在变得无比有意义。

原来快乐可以如此简单。

现在只剩下一个目标还未达成，等我，我会很努力的，相信我很快会到达终点。

2010-01-12T00:57:00.003+08:00

I don't know since when blogging has become my daily activity, but I actually feel weird when I don't blog, is this a bad sign?

I started blogging because I was upset then. And when I was reading back my entries, I realised 99% were upset stuffs...

Hmm, I'm not really a happy person huh...

This is not good, shall try to blog more happy stuffs in future, since my beloved friends do read my blog. So praying hard now that GOD will give me more happy moments from this timing onwards...

2010-01-10T19:04:00.002+08:00

Chosen & Adopted - Dedicated to N&W

At first, I intended to sleep through Sunday, but I was blessed that I actually spent the day with N&W for my very first enjoyable Church trip instead.

Pastor was asking us to say "You're blessed" to people beside us, so I did. N was sitting beside me, so I turned to him and said "You're blessed because I'm here". He laughed and thought I PK, but actually I didn't mean to PK. What I meant was "You're blessed because You'd chosen me and Adopted me to bring me here and I feel blessed right now. And because You'd brought blessing to others, shouldn't you feel more blessed?". Haa, anyone understand? Anyway, this sentence is also dedicated to W:)

Thanks N&W...

2010-01-09T09:28:00.006+08:00

最近我的神经紧崩，情绪反反复复，搞到我自己头都大了。
我知道原因，但不是很想面对。
但这一次是我第一次这么认真地想要得到某样东西，我应该争取吗？
但这间中有着太多的复杂因素，若处理不当可能会一触即发，不可收拾。
其实我最最最害怕的是若失败了，我可能很难很难再下这类的决定了。

哎。。决定不好做，人更不好做。

2010-01-07T14:35:00.002+08:00

最近我心里产生了一个想法：
若我自己都不给自己机会，那我永远不会有机会。

当然，有了机会不代表成功，但不尝试永远都不会知道结果是成功或失败。
朋友叫我对自己好一点，我也开始认为我应该对自己好一点。
所以，我决定了，想做就去做，即使失败。
毕竟连尝试都不敢，那又怎么称得上成功。
失败乃成功之母，就算真失败也别气馁。
下一站，幸福。

2010-01-06T14:33:00.002+08:00

今天心情不错，虽然不知为什么．
可能是主保佑吧．

今天也有了一个愉快的午餐时光．．．
虽然被朋友们说看起来像变态，像阿嫂，但无所谓，开心就好．．

2010-01-05T23:02:00.001+08:00

走得多，想得少，看得透，懂得深。

多运动呗。。。

2010-01-04T23:41:00.005+08:00

甲乙丙丁

今天听了四个故事。。。

故事1：朋友甲对我说他失恋了，我问为什么，朋友甲答“他太好了，让我有压力，我不配。”

故事2：朋友乙对我说他失恋了，我问为什么，朋友乙答“他说我太好了，让他无法呼吸，他放弃。”

故事3：朋友丙对我说他失恋了，我问为什么，朋友丙答“我还没来得及跟他说我喜欢他，他就已告诉我他不喜欢我，这不算失恋吗？”

故事4：朋友丁对我说他失恋了，我问为什么，朋友丁答“我尝试过，他也尝试了，但发现感觉不对，他爱上别人，所以我失恋了。”

以上四个故事都常发生在我们周遭，似乎见怪不怪了。四人当中应属丁最能坦然面对吧，毕竟曾经努力过，即使不成功也对得起自己。至于丙，应该算是当中最失败的吧。

好无聊的四个故事。。。

2010-01-04T00:34:00.002+08:00

我觉得我在脾气控制上有些许进步，但是情绪控制上好像没什么起色。
其实我希望无法控制情绪只是控制得不妥当，而非事情的严重性超乎能接受的范围。

其实有时我也很迷失，很矛盾，很苦恼，但是人的脑很奇妙。
不是你跟自己说别想就可以不想。如可以如此就不会有"烦恼"二字了。

2010-01-01T19:37:00.003+08:00

Sugar Daddy

What is sugar daddy? I don't know. Hui asked me go wiki but I never.
Anyway, from the words themselves look like someone good..

My definition of Sugar Daddy: Sweet like sugar candy, Caring like dearly daddy...

I don't care if it is right, I shall just think like this.

All wish me getting my sugar daddy asap, hmm...let me hunt first...

2010-01-01T14:25:00.003+08:00

2009年过了，2010年来临，我其实还有蛮多期待的。

一直跟自己说今年会是好年，接下来就是年年好运，所以总觉得今年会是好运的开始。

最希望发生的事有三件：
1。开始新工作，能够突出，有杰出表现
2。希望可以成为更好的人，对身边的人都好一点
3。希望实现所有身边人对我的期望

总觉得第三件事最难的实现的。。。不过我确实还蛮想实现的。
希望天主能保佑吧。

2009-12-31T10:25:00.001+08:00

今天我心情有一点怪怪的，不管喝了几瓶药都没有用。。。

2009-12-30T11:36:00.002+08:00

新媚，王

这个女人虽然傻傻的，跟她说事情时反应也慢半拍，
但不得不承认她是位很可靠的人。

偶尔很烦人，偶尔很粘人，偶尔让人想打她，
但她都照单全收。

其实她真的很好。。。这点我一直都这么认为。

虽然不常把心事跟她说，但我知道，只要我想说，她是会理我的。
虽然她的回答有时根本没用，她的反映有时没有帮助，有时她甚至听不懂，
但。。。能静静地聆听不就很好了吗？

2009-12-29T15:50:00.002+08:00

我是个有秘密的人，这点我承认。
因为有些东西说出来不见得是好事，所以我选择不说。
不是我不相信别人，只是我不想去相信自己所想的。
我是个很矛盾的人，藏着满腹的秘密。
其实有些时候很像快爆炸了，但是没有。

能说的就不叫秘密，是秘密就不能说。

这就是我的“不能说的秘密”。。。

2009-12-28T21:23:00.004+08:00

心里闷闷的，真不知道该如何是好。

心里想的与现实的反差让我意识到我不过是在幻想。
希望心能停止想象，与现实并进，这样会踏实点。

怎么办才好呢？苦恼。。。

2009-12-23T14:39:00.001+08:00

Nice song nice lyrics, when will I be able to write lyrics like that...

徐怀钰 --- 心中的遗憾

喜欢对着天空发呆
想着你的笑容出现在人海
你总是能让我开怀
忍耐我的坏
只是这一切将烟消云散
也许遇见你是个错
错在我们身处不同的时空
两颗心交会的时候
一分钟就足够
够我一辈子想念很久
我会选择离开
微笑告别伤害
我知道你心中的那份遗憾
当你为她戴上幸福的头盖
我含泪祝福你有美的未来
想飞到千里外
期待一切重来
想洗去你对你的所有依赖
但谢谢你让我体会了真爱
我永远记得你心中的遗憾

2009-12-23T10:37:00.003+08:00

你真的忘得了你的初恋情人吗?
若你遇到了和她长得一模一样的人,她真的就是她吗?
还有可能吗?
这是命运的宽容,还是另一次不怀好意的玩笑?

<从开始到现在>

2009-12-22T15:36:00.004+08:00

看似无情的人并不见得一定无情，强悍的外表不过是想掩盖内心的脆弱。掩盖的行为无非想避免自己受伤害。受伤了，并没有人能安慰，与其如此，不如看起来无情些，或许能让人避而远之。以为没人触碰就不会想起，谁知夜深人静，眼泪却悄悄落下，原来没人触碰，反而更多独处的时间，想得更是深入。介时，方知一切并非过往云烟，而是变成埋葬的记忆。即使不愿挖，它却毫无预警地爬了出来。再也无法隐瞒，其实自己还在意，其实自己非无情。只是事过境迁，一切已毫无意义。只能算了吧，忘了吧，放了吧。

为得爱情之幸福，不得不经爱情之痛苦...

2009-12-18T14:07:00.003+08:00

Stupidity can be irritating but also amusing. I encountered both irritating and amusing stupidity on same day same venue.

I went to look for Bluetooth earpiece for my friend at Novena Square, but to my surprise, NO BLUETOOH was found. Feeling extremely fed up, I decided to go home, but I simply felt uneven if I were to leave like that. Hence, I tried my luck at United Square.

I saw Popular Bookstore, and went in to get clipper. After getting it, I went to cashier to make payment. The whole action of going in Popular, took clipper, went to cashier and start queuing took me less than 5 minutes. But surprisingly, I spent half an hour in Popular. BECAUSE THAT STUPID CASHIER WAS DAMN SLOW. NOT ONLY SLOW BUT KPO AND TALKATIVE. She actually chatted with the customer after payment, telling her about card la, lucky draw la….

HELLO, WAS SHE BLIND? COULDN’T SHE SEE THE WHOLE QUEUE WAS GETTING LIKE PHYTON FROM TINY SNAKE BECAUSE OF HER SLOWNESS?

I believed she was blind at that moment. I was so angry and pissed, but finally the customer left, so I guessed it would be fast by then but I was wrong. Another male cashier went to the counter and processed refund for another guy who was not in the queue.

HELLO, WERE OTHER CUSTOMERS AND I TRANSPARENT? WAS HE A GAY? WAS THAT CUSTOMER ASKING FOR REFUND HIS BOYFRIEND?

Simply, I felt like shouting WTH WTF:X But I did not because demure lady wouldn’t do that :P Their stupidity pissed me to the top of Mount Himalayan.

Ok I finally made my $3.30 payment at the SNAIL CASHIER COUNTER and left in the huff, as I simply did not wish to stay another second in that store and I FINALLY found Bluetooth at Challenger which was directly beside Popular.

I went to the Bluetooth section and a salesman who wore spectacles came to entertain me. I guessed he thought himself would look knowledgeable in that pair of spectacles because it was the kind of spectacles which only old Professors in school would wear.

I saw a few type of Bluetooth earpieces and I did not know which was better choice so I asked for his opinion. Ok I shall name him Mr. Spec.

I:” Sorry, I would like to buy Bluetooth earpiece for my friend, can you recommend?”

Mr. Spec: “Ohh sure,” sounded confident and took out $68 bluetooth to me.

I: “What so special or good about this $68? Why not the $48 or the $38 one?”

Mr. Spec: “Ohh, difference is…FUNCTION,” still sounded confident. Then he read from the description word by word, “Got radio, ermm, good range, errmmm…”

HELLO, DO I LOOK ILLITERATE TO HIM? CANT I READ MYSELF? 8-|

I: “I don’t need radio function, so does that mean the $48 and $38 have no radio, that’s why they’re cheaper?”

Mr. Spec: “Ohh, all Bluetooth has radio nowadays” still sounded confident.

HELLO, THAT IS NOT TRUE, WHO IN THE WORLD SAID ALL BLUETOOTH HAS RADIO? FROM HIS REMARKS, I CAN BE SURE HE ACTS SMART NIA!

I: “No, not true, not all Bluetooth has radio, this I can be pretty sure,” my turn to sound confident.

Mr. Spec: “No, all have!” sounded very sure.

I: “I don’t believe.” At this moment, I rolled my eyes for the 1st time and was certain this guy knew nothing so I’d better choose for myself, so I said “please get me the $48 one”.

Mr. Spec: “Ok, this one also have rad…” he stopped and read from the specifications again and mumbled “ohh, this one no radio”.

I: Rolled my eyes the 2nd time and said sarcastically, “so now, no all Bluetooth has radio huh…anyway, why are there $38 & $48 then? What is the main difference?” I was giving him another chance to prove me he was not acting smart.

Mr. Spec: “Ohh…the difference is…COLOUR!” Sounded sure.

HELLO, DO I LOOK STUPID? COLOUR? WTH WTF. AT THIS MOMENT, I HAVE A CONCLUSION, THIS GUY CANT MAKE IT. HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BLUETOOTH AND WHY THE HELL HE SOUNDED CONFIDENT IN ALL HIS ANSWERS? SIBEI ACT SMART.

I: “Colour? Ha ha, it can’t be. Never mind, I will see for myself.” Just as I examined the 2 bluetooth earpieces carefully, I realized the difference, so I told him, “Ohh I know what is the difference le, it is their types, one is wired clip on, one is wireless hook on”.

Mr. Spec: “Really?” sounded suspicious.

I: I rolled my eyes for the 3rd time. “Ya, you see for yourself carefully. This earpiece has a wire, so it can clip onto the shirt, and the other one has no wire, so that means it can only be hooked onto the ear, which is more painful, that’s why it is cheaper I guess.”

Mr. Spec: Looked suspicious and took the 2 earpieces and looked carefully and realized what I said was true. So he said, “Ohh ya, you’re right. Hmm, actually I am not expert in Bluetooth so…”

FINALLY HE ADMITTED!!! HE ACTED SMART NIA!!!!!

I: Rolled my eyes the 4th time and before he could finish his useless sentence, I cut his line and said, “I’ll get the $48 earpiece. Thank you.” I took the earpiece and went to make payment.

The whole incident showed clearly that salesman really darn acted smart and proved his stupidity by his stupid remarks. I almost rolled my eyes till they dropped. But when I think back the whole incident, it is rather funny.

HA HA HA

2009-12-11T14:05:00.002+08:00

超级无敌闷。。。算了，找些东西写，抒发情绪。
写什么呢。。。就麦克杰逊吧。
那天，朋友们请我看了杰逊最后演唱会筹备花絮，一直想写但没心情。既然今天那么闷就写写吧。

在电影院看了杰逊最后演唱会花絮，才方知怎样才能叫做天王。举手投足都是众人瞩目的焦点，小小动作也能引起哗然。本想演唱会花絮搬上大荧幕，谁会花这样的钱去观看，但我错了，我看的那天是座无虚席的。我一直都不喜欢杰逊，若非免费戏票，我绝对不会去的。不过看了之后，我竟有种叹为观止的感觉。他的舞蹈魅力毋庸置疑，不仅把舞蹈员们的高昂情绪炒到顶点，也把观众的视觉吸引住，完完全全成了主角，无论谁都无法抢竟。即使只有几首歌的排练，观众们也不厌其烦跟着哼唱，尖叫，鼓掌。我当下也觉得很感动。我心想若杰逊没有往生，演唱会能如期举行的话，这应该是本世纪最精彩的演唱会吧。视觉，灯光，服装无一不费尽心力打造，诚意是百分白的。所以一切都只能以两个字总结---可惜！

2009-12-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

Sian sian sian
Bored bored bored
Fed up fed up fed up

2009-12-10T13:43:00.007+08:00

想起过去的一切，眼泪不自觉地流。
我不是没有感觉，只是必须承认那已不是爱情。
坦白是我对你的最后疼爱，因为担心将来你会更受伤害。
所有的痛，我并非想逃避，其实我宁愿自己承受。

不是只有你难过，我也不好过。
毕竟曾经的誓言，我也承诺过。
我试图把内心藏起，不让它出没。
但原来心是藏不住的，惟有让你面对我的沉默。

我努力过，割舍自己的渴望与堕落。
但是摇摇欲坠的心，还是不受控制地出没。
我无法再背叛自己的心，从此你承受折磨。
希望你能找到你的天堂，不再空虚寂寞。

2009-12-10T13:41:00.002+08:00

人生会有起落你告诉过我，我以为你会陪我度过。

直到那一天你开口对我说，才知道我已开始坠落。

是什么时候他在你心里逗留，为何不给警告并将我击落。

我试着挽回，但你却只是道歉带过。

你走向他让他成为你的舞台，留给我的只有沉默。

开始为他飞舞，我的悲伤你一律躲过。

为什么过往如此脆弱，没赢得你任何难过。

是时候我该放手，免得伤到你，我永远的懦弱。

承诺已没用，让我承受所有的寂寞。

放手是我的唯一落幕，未来我自己度过。

2009-12-08T17:09:00.002+08:00

还没清醒的时候，我以为一切可以一如往昔。
清醒了之后，才发现我已回不了头。
爱过？我确实爱过。
爱错？我并没有后悔过。

爱情没有对错，我真得如此以为。
我也很想爱得无怨无悔，只可惜现实把我唤醒.
你也曾是我的中心，我的一切。
但缘分的作弄，我无法避免。

或许有一天，还是会发觉你最好，但此刻，心已经不由得我控制。
或许有一天，你会找得到更好的，到那时，我会献上诚挚的祝福.

2009-12-08T16:43:00.002+08:00

不敢看与你合拍的照片，害怕在孤单的夜想起你甜美的笑。
曾经让我快乐的笑容，如今却成了我的最大的悲伤。
回不去了吗？我反复问我自己。
若可以再次把你抱紧，我是否会为爱再次付出一切？

害怕了吧？我自问。想不通的答案让我窒息。
不知道原来爱能如此伤人，若知道，是否就不会触碰？
我想我还是会，因为爱你的日子我很快乐。
我想我还是会，因为有你的日子我很幸福。

你走了，这次不是梦境。现实的残酷把我推入深渊。
多想你能伸出援手把我拉起，却惊觉你已远远离去。
幸福被你带走了，我还剩下什么？
只有孤单的黑夜陪我入睡。

2009-12-02T12:45:00.005+08:00

缺点每个人都有，但我的缺点也未免太多了吧。
外表不用说了，性格上我也非常的有问题。急躁，脾气坏，不疼家人，孤僻，固执，哇，真的很多。

我有试着把缺点改掉，但都屡战屡败。

我从很早以前就因为冲动的性格做很多让人难过的事。有一些人提醒我，我当时充耳不闻。但每当仔细想想才发现其实我真得太多事，太冲动了。如果我置身其外,有些事情可能可以有另外一个结局,但因为我置身其中，结局却变得有一点人为因素，而那个涉案人是我。很不喜欢那种感觉。其实我不是唯恐天下不乱的人，无无非就是太八卦了。我会尽量改。

2009-12-02T01:07:00.006+08:00

心事谁人知？

我常把心事藏起，因为我觉得没人可以理解。所谓心事就是心理有事，心理所产生的事若不是所希望会发生的，那就叫心事。那如果自己的心都不受自己控制，也就是说自己也无能为力，说给别人听有什么用？

人会把心事说出来在我的看法里有两个原因：
1。希望找到自己心仪的话语，让自己好过一点
2。被逼说出来

我所遇到的都是后者。不过被逼说来也不是件坏事，最起码满足了别人的好奇心，也能让关心自己的人说出想要说的安慰语。这样能让别人好过，而且有些话语还挺有道理的，所以把心事摊开说，不见得没用。

但不是每个人都适合分享心事。我不是跟每个人都说心事。但如果一旦我对某人说，那就代表那个人在我心里有某种地位，可以是死党，可以是亲人。不过我大多会跟朋友说，因为有些好友会很诚恳地说“我担心你”。既然如此，我就说吧。

我以为这样的友情是双方面的，但不见得。我常说我想分享快乐，不喜欢带来悲伤，所以遇到事情都选择沉默，但朋友会说“能分享喜怒哀乐才叫朋友”。我相信了这句话，但我错了。

人始终是自私的。为了让自己好过，会忘记自己说过的话，即使别人怎么担心，为了不听到那些可能是逆耳的话语，就选择什么都不说，什么都不听。曾经说过的“分享喜怒哀乐才叫朋友”的话都变成了谎话。

我不介意朋友自私，但我介意她们逃避，因为逃避只会让人更加懦弱，懦弱会让人更加难过。又懦弱又难过，岂不更惨？我真的是一番好意，即使忠言逆耳，那也是发自出内心最真实的言语。最重要的是，面对才能得到解脱。我希望你能解脱，所以我想说。

有人明白我在说什么吗？这就是我的心事。

但是，心事谁人知？

2009-08-26T23:06:00.004+08:00

ANDY LAU

I was bored during office hour, so I wrote article to I-Weekly again.

终于，偶像勇敢承认恋情。
虽然很爱刘德华，但一直觉得他不够大方，因为他一再否认朱丽倩的身份。即使女方默默守候了二十多年，却始终没被承认，身为女人，我为朱小姐叫屈。

其实大家都知道刘，朱本一对，但随着男方的否认，这段恋情就是少了一份肯定。还好，偶像在非常时期做出了该做的事；在爱人丧亲之痛的时候，给予陪伴，安慰，并十指紧扣，默认恋情。大丈夫坦荡荡，就该如此。我想全世界喜欢华仔的人都不会对他这样的举动有意见，起码我是如此。如果他不出现，那才真的叫人失望。

虽然做了二十多年的地下恋人，但我想朱小姐此刻的心情是欣慰的也是幸福的，因为多年的付出终得到情郎肯定。十指紧扣的动作已奠定了一切。刘，朱的爱情能走这么久，相信大家是可以感受到他们彼此那坚定的爱情。希望大家以后不要只记得专一的梁朝伟，也请记得长情的刘德华。但愿娱乐圈能多对长相厮守的情侣。

华仔，未来华嫂加油。

2009-08-25T23:58:00.015+08:00

自闭

有两三个星期了吧？应该有。原来自我封闭是这种感觉---就是没感觉。没错，没感觉。在这些自闭的日子里，我还真的是没什么感觉，只是偶尔会想，我被遗忘了吗？但还好啦。

为什么要自闭?其实我是想提早了解孤独的感觉。毕竟人生那么长，一定会有些时候是孤独的，只是不知道是什么时候而已。早点有心理准备不见得是坏事。

我并不是庸人自扰，而是发现到很多人，事，物，往往在你自以为了如指掌的时候，突然来个急转弯，让你完全招架不了。

打个比方，你自认很了解你身边的朋友，也觉得你的朋友非常了解你，但他们却会突然之间发出你意想不到并且与你有关的讯息，即便你否决了他们的言论，但他们却自说自话，完全不把你的感受或是想法当成一回事。或许是小事，也或许是大事，但那不重要，重要的是，他们有尊重你吗？显然没有。

我很不喜欢别人对我有所抨击或赞扬，无论好坏，只要没有真凭实据，我都不喜欢。我不喜欢奉承，更厌恶指控，要么用证据，不然就闭嘴。

或许也因为背部疼痛的关系吧，让我更加想得体会孤独。因为当人病痛时，谁也依靠不了。

这些日子我哪儿都去不了，只能痰在家里，活在自己的小空间里。想不到的是在这段期间，竟然连一通朋友的电话或要约也没有。忽然领悟到原来朋友是不会存在在你病痛的日子里的。不过还好，最起码有个姐姐还挺关心我的，让我不至于觉得无助。

朋友？当我难过的时候，朋友在哪里？不约我就算了，有些还莫名其妙的不理会我。算了，我也懒得理，痛都痛死了，哪还有力气去管你干吗，发什么脾气，我没这么多精神。。。

这封闭的三个星期，让我体会到，原来不管你怎么兜，始终，留在你身边的只有一种人，那就是家人。

不管你是世上最讨人厌的人，或是大众爱的人，家人都会在你身边。什么朋友，爱人都是假的。需要你的时后才叫朋友，不需要你的时候连你叫什么都不知道。甚至，在他们莫名其妙心情不好时，可能还会把你当敌人，或是他们不爽的时候，理都不理你，即使你摸不着头绪想不通原因，他们完全不理会。爽的时候，你就是朋友，不爽的时候，把你踢到千里外。这大概就是朋友吧。

一直很依赖朋友，不过我想，而且也相信，一辈子的朋友只能存活在幻想中。基本上友情跟爱情是一样的，美丽但易碎，亲情才是淡而无味，坚定不移的。

朋友可以绝交，爱人可以分手，唯独家人对你不离不弃。我很希望自己能把亲情看得更重，因为只有他们把我当作宝。朋友都把我当成草，喜欢就来看一看，不喜欢就踩一踩，变得好没价值。我干吗作践自己。

与其摸不着头猜想朋友的思绪，倒不如孤独一点，最起码不会被人糟踏。

2009-07-06T01:49:00.001+08:00

Eny 完成了十二星座的终极完美分析。。准到你会吓一大跳！心理測驗

天秤座(Libra)

优雅的天平在灯红酒绿中微笑转身，顾盼神采，洒脱如同水中的鱼。他们与红酒，水晶杯，晚礼服，钢琴曲是那么的相得益彰，漫不经意的吸引着公众的眼光…… 几乎所有人都有这样一种印象：天平座的人善意、可亲，爱交朋友。于是大家也由此认为天平是群居生物，必然是害怕独处，喜欢热闹的。但，事实并不是表面看来那样简单。的确，天平是个和平使者。在公众场合可以很好地调节气氛使之均衡。气氛热烈时，他们会沉静的压住阵脚；气氛冷凝时，他们会运用不着痕迹的轻松幽默化解坚冰。总之他们不会随波逐流去助长气氛的冷热，而是像用天平称量物品一样，加减砝码，使之维持水平状态。而他们在做这种加减的时候，动作是优雅的，态度是和悦的，看起来漫不经心不动声色。实际上，他们是很有心计的人，尽管众口难调，也可以找到一种万全的方式来使全局和谐起来。但是这并不是说他们喜欢主宰，只是因为他们看不得失衡，那会使他们如坐针毡。因此，尽管慵懒的天平座讨厌麻烦，讨厌得要命，他们还是会不由自主地担负起调节的责任。也许正因如此，使得天平在公众场合从未放松过自己。性格使他们承担了不必要的责任，无可推卸。他们不吝惜金钱，却吝惜自由的时间和安静的休闲时光。像所有风向星座一样，他们喜欢自由，喜欢像风一样谁也捉不住他。他们喜欢自在独立的空间。就算你是他最好的朋友，也不要老和他粘在一起，你要知道他并不喜欢如此，尽管他不会直接说出来。你也得相信，你的天平座朋友也许半年也没有音信，但是只要一见面，你还是他最好的朋友。因为他就是这种交友方式，你拿他怎么办？ '我懒得……' 这是天平座的口头语。他们懒得出门，懒得聚会，懒得应酬……所以他们并不是很喜欢参加party。倒是宁愿呆在家里上网，看书，画画。他们自身是均衡的，一个人的均衡总比一群人的均衡来的容易。所以他们喜欢独处。通常，天平座的人会给人一见如故的感觉，因为他们有着温婉的微笑和优雅的举止。对初次见面的人，天平座往往表现出自己最讨人喜欢的一面：善解人意，大方，诚恳，健谈。但是这种热情劲儿不会长久。冷漠何时到来取决于你与他交往的频率。你越是粘得紧，他就冷得越快。因为他们喜欢'君子之交清淡如水'。不是他们不喜欢同伴，而是他们和人交往更多地关注了对方的情绪，总想着照顾对方心情，不要发生冲突，所以感觉像是在工作一样，无法真正的放松。较之对宫白羊座，天平是另一种独立的个体。白羊是一种外在的独立，内心是热的；天平则是表面看似亲和力很强，内心却是任谁也无法融入的。天平的冷静，连他们自己也觉得惊讶。'我居然如此冷漠！太不可思议了……'他们审视自己的时候，感觉有点陌生。那是因为他们把内心世界掩饰得连自己都骗过了。他们控制情绪的能力太强了。最亲近的人会感觉到，天平给人不露声色的隔离感，有时会被埋怨'太冷静了，我都不知道你在想什么！' 可是他们不是故意要隐瞒什么，只是出于本能。一个连自己都骗过了的人，你还能要求他对你坦白什么？他们不喜欢歇斯底里，不喜欢痛哭失声，不喜欢安慰别人也不怎么喜欢被安慰。因为他们懂得，谁也无法真正理解另一个人。天平，其实是很独立的一个星座。他们在霓虹灯影里微笑，在灯火阑珊处寂寞。他们叫你懂得：孤独的最高境界是繁华。

2009-05-19T22:57:00.002+08:00

忘记了吗？没有。

有些人一旦住进你的心里，他就永远不会走。
时间并不会让你那被占据的心得到释放，
但却可以让你暂时忘却忧伤。

若干年后或许你会自问，他还是不是自己所要的爱？
但到那时已不重要了。
因为虽然他没有离开你的心，但你也已经习惯了怀念。
不一定拥有才是永恒，往往，得不到的才能持久不灭。

2009-05-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

DAMN SHIT!

Please read if you don’t want to be as unlucky as me

Dear fellow printer users,

I would like to share my true and extremely bad experience with Brother (Printer) Company and hope all of you can avoid my same bad luck in future by being extremely careful with the professionalism and the accuracy of information on Brother Official Website.

I went to Harvey Norman at Funan one day to look for printer. One lady came to me and introduced Brother brand to me after I said I was looking for networking function and A3 printing function printer. She flipped through the catalogues she had and passed me MFC-885CW catalogue saying that it fulfilled my criterias. However, she said that her branch did not have stock for that model so suggested that I got it somewhere else. I was a careful consumer so I went to Brother’s Official Website to do research.

I browsed carefully on Brother’s Official Website and did comparison for the best option using its comparison tool. On the website, it stated clearly that MFC-885CW handled paper size up to A3, and from the main functions page, it also stated Print, Fax, Copy, Scan, PC Fax, Direct Print, Cordless Handset, Speaker Phone and Message Centre, thus, surely it fit my criterias. I guessed I would get a good deal this time, but surprisingly I did not.

I bought the printer from SLS, and due to weekend, the reseller which I went to was very packed and thinking that nothing should go wrong with the information on the official website, I bought the printer without asking the reseller further on the product functions. That was a grave mistake.

The official website and the lady at Harvey Norman actually misled me with wrong information as MFC-885CW did not have A3 printing function at all after I tried printing with it.

For goodness sake, mistake found on official website for an established company like BROTHER, can you believe it? THIS IS VERY TRUE.

Realising that the website had mistake, I called Brother Hotline to seek help. Guess what? The hotline actually engaged, so I had no choice but to call all the numbers which I found online. Finally, one of the numbers worked. I explained to the lady, and she claimed that there should not be mistake with their website. I asked to her to go online on the spot, and to her surprise, she found the error. She was quite shocked and promised that she would look through the problem and gave me a callback within same day. But disappointedly, she never got back the same day. I went online again and the error was straight away justified, but no one got back to me.

On the next day, I called the hotline again and after long waiting, someone finally attended to me. I repeated the same thing and the personnel said that she would get back to me asap. Same old story, no one got back to me, so I called again and more firm this time round, finally, someone called me about 4 hours later.

It was the lady who spoke to me the day before. She said that her superior stated that the only thing Brother could do was to allow me upgrade to MFC-6490CW with $100 top up, that would be its original price with the top up, which meant they did not give me any discount or anything. Attrocious! I went all the way down to SLS on cabs, the transportation fee already cost me a lot. In addition, because of the absence of A3 photocopying ability, I actually went to Hougang to photocopy my A3 documents. My time and money wasted due to Brother's stupid unprofessional error were massive, and yet Brother gave me an option with no discount or anything, what kind of compensation was that?! I was very annoyed, so I told the lady to seek for better option from her superior again.

The next day, her superior called and said Brother only willing to compensate a set of standard ink which cost $84. The superior said that I could also op to exchange with 5890 model but it was without A3 photocopying and scanning abilities. Thinking that it actually served no purpose to have machine that had incomplete functions for A3, I would still go for the 6490. Since free upgrade and getting ink cost almost the same and upgrade could cover my expenses more, I suggested to get free upgrade. Or even no free upgrade, at least provide me with free delivery for exchanging of printers, so that I would not need to spend more on transportation and look for helper to carry the heavy printers. But the superior replied with a firm NO and Brother could not do anything about it. He insisted that free ink was already alot that BROTHER could offer.

How pathetic, big company could only offer standard ink and they actually claimed it was a lot?! The superior also added that in fact I was not supposed to be compensated with anything, so a standard ink was already a gift that they had fought hard for me. I was not supposed to be compensated? WHAT THE HELL???!!!

The superior added that since I was so unhappy, Brother could help with the refund, provided it was brand new and the inks were still sealed. How could it be brand new? Of course I had opened it then realised that it could not print A3, what kind of stupid requirements for refund were that? He added that I had to go down personally to SLS again in order to get my money back. Really stupid, agree? I was left with no choice but to pay for the top up fee, because I would be dumb if I chose refund as my cab fares and time wasted would be futile.

Pathetic me, going through so much but ended up as if I was begging for compensation. Actually I was hoping Brother could admit their mistake and compensate willingly but ended up as if I was begging them. The superior's saying that I was not supposed to be compensated really drove me crazy. How irresponsible of them saying that.

Sigh, seemed like I could only count myself unlucky since Brother was not willing to do anything more apart from giving their “PRECIOUS INK”. Actually, Brother did not even bother that a customer actually going through so much, they said they could not be responsible for anything encountered by us even though their error was the cause. They kept claiming that standard ink was already a lot. “Really a lot”. Their unprofessionalism and incurracy were only paid up with a standard set of ink. I helped them indirectly to avoid more complaints but was only paid with standard set of ink.

So my friends, to avoid being as unlucky as me, please verify with the personnels carefully before purchasing anything from Brother. If not, petty Brother may just offer you ink as compensation though you are not supposed to be compensated according to them.

I am very unhappy, and I believe if you were me, you will feel the same as me, won't you? Am I asking too much from Brother? You judge.

P.S: If you are my friend, please forward this email to everyone you know. I want to expose how unprofessional Brother is and the way they handle my bad encounter with their product.

Good luck. Thank you if you forward this email.

Eny

2009-04-19T18:49:00.011+08:00

你不知道吗？

有些事情根本不用说出来，因为你不说我也懂。
有些事情根本不用问，因为我不答你已知。

为什么要说？为什么要问？
说了能改变什么吗？一点也没有。
问了又能改变什么？更加地没有。

我说我懂，你还说，那么你就是故意的。
我说别说了，你还继续，那么你就是不尊重我。

你故意地只让自己舒服就好，觉得说出来无比顺畅。
你摊开地问一些你早已知道答案的问题，觉得从我口中听到答案无比骄傲。
我说得对吧？
我不会让你有机会的，你不会得逞的。

对，我就是要说得你哑口无言，你能奈我何？
对，我就是不回答，看你能怎样。

下次若要跟我讲那些有的没的之前，先想清楚你的立场和重点。
一旦越界，我不会就这样算。
你想说清楚嘛，我成全你。

要讲道理？我必定让你理亏。
你确实有做错不是吗？
我就算会做我现在所做的，那也是你误导我。

吵架，我很少输过。
讲道理，我更是没怕过。
我可是在家里受过训练的。

可怕？
这就是女人，我唯一有的女性基因就是这个。

我刚说得让你很不爽吧？我也是故意的。
我绝对不会让你在我头上走，更不会让你伤到我。
我的自我防御能力比一般人强，因为我常常受伤害。

可悲？
这就是我，我确实有一点可悲。

PS: 我有种受伤的感觉。原来我在乎。

2009-04-19T05:35:00.002+08:00

如果你问我最骄傲的东西是什么，我想我会回答---朋友。

我有好几位好朋友，都会在我失落的不同时段给予开导及陪伴。
这是很难能可贵的。而且我不只有一位，而是有好几位。
我想我算是幸运的，毕竟不是每个人都有这样的机遇。

虽说人们都说，另一半才是陪伴你一辈子的人，
但其实朋友往往来得比另一半更可靠。
最起码我知道我的朋友们都很照顾我。

虽然本来有更多好朋友的，但是有一些选择性离开，
那我也只好看破，毕竟少了一些我还有很多。

离开我的好朋友，我不怪你，但我只能说你令我失望。
我知道我的失望对你而言没意义，但我就是想说出来。
我对有些朋友是掏心掏肺的，但他们却不在乎。
好吧，不在乎就算了，我也会不再在乎你们。
反正，那些对我真心的，我会以同样的方式对待他们。

谁对我好，谁对我不好，我很清楚。
走了一些，我还有一些，我没关系。

爱恨分明，我清楚就好。

PS: 跟KKMM看了容祖儿演唱会。
本来以为她不是很喜欢，好在结果还不错，她似乎蛮ENJOY的。
那我就放心了，因为是我叫她去的。
虽然中途自私地自己跑去前面丢下她一人，不过她没怪我，哈哈哈。
我真是长不大。但是能近距离看到JOEY，真的是超兴奋的。

2009-04-19T05:32:00.001+08:00

人的价值各有不同，我的又是什么？

从毕业到现在，我从来就不曾真正去想我的价值是多少。
2006年至今，我都觉得我的人生是在谷底中度过的。
我试图爬出谷底，但始终未见曙光。
我是不是就这样在不见光亮的情况过余生？

我还不算老，但是心开始感觉衰退。
我很想说服自己我不过是运气不好，可是其他人开始说是我不脚踏实地。
我是吗？我开始反思。

其实我真得没有想过要什么大富大贵，我不过想安安稳稳地过日子，
最起码不用为三餐烦恼，有自己的家就行了，这样很不切实际吗？
我真的差到连这样渺小的想法也不能拥有吗?

很多人说我聪明，家人也如此说，但为什么我总没别人来的稳当?
别人都有最基本的事业，而我却在27岁的现在仍然飘飘荡荡。

某天，一名旧同学说我已经27了，已超过‘寻找’的年龄了。
听了，很难过，因为那是事实。
3字头离我不远了，但身边的人，就连妹妹都比我成功，我真的怀疑自己了。
我的价值是多少？

突然想到一个剧情，片中主角说他的社会价值是零，人生价值也是零。
除了会呼吸，基本上他对这个世界是没有任何用处。
我跟剧中主角有何分别？

其实一样。

2009-04-13T22:27:00.005+08:00

假象，一切都是假象。

看来我压力太大了，所以才会有如此假象。
我醒了。过去几天不过是想找些事情填补空空的脑袋。
没错，应该是这样。

另一边厢，我还是想继续沉醉于刘德华是我的的假象。
瞎，非常瞎。
反正不用钱，朱小姐也习惯了世界很多爱幻想的女生们。
So, who cares？

刘德华，我爱你。
我也会爱你爱的人。

我疯了。失业人士就是这样。
哎。。。

2009-04-10T16:17:00.005+08:00

知足常乐？怎么可能。

妹妹成功了，即将跳去更好的公司，薪金也将调整。
算是提早步入成功阶段，而我呢。。
仍然寻寻觅觅。

事业没进展，反而在原地绕圈圈，突觉失败紧跟着自己。
呼吸得好困难。

撇开事业，到底有没有哪一方面是值得自己骄傲？
想破头也找不到。

如果说我是一个不怕死的人，我想我早已不存活世上了。
因为怕死，所以还是继续跟世人抢空气。

人生应该有美好事物让我觉得活着很好，可是为什么我找不到。
别人说看看他人的惨况，就能觉得自己也不错。
其实那只不过让我觉得我比他们幸运，但不代表我就是过得好。

我不知足？或许吧，但又有几人知道什么是知足？
能吃能睡能呼吸=知足？那跟没理想没抱负有何差别？

友人说“知足有好有坏，太知足变得懒散，没冲劲。”
我想了想，她说的很对。
大不知足呢，友人又说：“太不知足，会过得很累，很压力。”

那到底知足好还是不知足好？
我混乱了。

看来我不单不知足而且还很失败。
我到底为什么这么没用？

2009-03-31T21:24:00.005+08:00

奇怪。

虽然见面没几次，也不熟，但是却常想起他。
这感觉很不踏实，或许知道不可能吧。

我现在感觉就像以前的感觉，单方面，但却放不下。
常想有什么办法能见到他呢。。。
惨了，我栽了。

2009-03-29T01:21:00.003+08:00

听心跳的声音。

很久没有这样心跳频率不正常的感觉了。
并非有病，而是那种感觉很好的心跳。
已经好几年没这样了，再次拥有这样的感觉让我觉得庆幸，
因为生活增添些许色彩。

可能这样的感觉都是因为上星期怀疑自己得了某些病症，
然后突觉生命非常宝贵而且短暂，所以应该活得精彩。
因为这样，让我开始更仔细地观察周边的每个人，
赫然发现原来有人会让我觉得奇怪，别扭，但却又很喜欢的那种感觉。
虽接触没几次，但却觉得其实他人还不错。

虽然感觉是单方面的，但总好过没有。毕竟这样的莫名感让我觉得很快乐。
有喜欢的人好过没喜欢的人吧。。。
起码我是这么认为的。

2009-03-03T21:11:00.004+08:00

~Give Love A Break ~

Dedicated to the one who feel hurt if his/her love is being doubted

Why is the world misunderstood you when you think that you are already sacrificing so much for the one you love? There must be answer behind it.

Yes, your love is true, no one should doubt it, but when your love brings misfortune or unhappiness to the one you love, then surely there must be something wrong with it.

Life's so short and uncertain, we are all leading our mundane lives in different manners. Sometimes life is full of cruelties and unhappiness, so to make ourselves feel better, all of us are trying our best to stay happy in different ways. Some enjoy music, some enjoy anime, some enjoy socialising, some enjoy freedom and some merely enjoys being young.

How to be young? Different ways apply.

You are the closest to the one you love, you should know what are the things that can make him/her happy, and in fact you know better than anyone else in the world. Then, why are you withdrawing his/her happines over and over again? If he/she can argue with you for the same thing over and over again, what does that mean? That simply means you are making him/her unhappy. If you argue with him/her over and over again over same topic, what does that mean? That simply means your stubborness overrule your love for him/her.

How can outsiders judge you, how can they doubt you? The outsiders always have clearer vision than the ones involved.

When people around you started to say things that you do not like, that does not imply that you are loathsome, that will only mean outsiders have realised the problems lie within, hoping to get the best out of you, making you realise that a solution is needed.

Solutions to some problems are merely making changes. Since making a change is so hard for yourself and for the one you love, why not just give love a break? When two different thoughts, two different mindsets, two different ways of living are met, no matter how near or far you are to the one you love, problem will still be a problem. No point being so hard on yourself and your loved one. However, if you are willing to make changes for your loved one, then the bond will be strengthened. Hence, the final result depends much on you.

Set love free may let you and your loved one see further and better. Why not make it an attempt to prove if your love is needed or not to your loved one. If your love bring misery instead of happiness, why not just let it go? Letting go does not mean you do not love anymore but mean you know how to love in a more self-torturing manner. Of course if your love is needed, then you do not have to let go because your loved one will hold on to you.

I always believe, love is only valid when both parties hold on tightly to it. If only one-sided, misery will occupy both parties cruelly. Thus, if both parties willing to give extra mile beholding this relationship, then everyone will give their best wishes.

I love happy ending actually...

2009-03-02T00:18:00.005+08:00

Dedicated to those which find the following familiar

Do You Know What Is Love?

If you know what love is, then you should accept and love the way him/her is, for example, if he/she loves freedom, then you should give him/her adequate freedom, and not asking him/her to be like what you want him/her to be. Love is not about controlling, it is giving and accepting. If you don't give and accept, then how can you claim that you really love him/her.

If you know what love is, then you should practice the word called 'respect', for example, he/she loves being with a large group of friends, then you should enjoy being with his/her group of friends as well, and not wating him/her all by yourself. Love is not about forcibly occupying his/her space, it is respecting his/her character. If you don't respect, how can you swear that your love for him /her is truthful.

If you know what love is, then you should understand his/her inner feeling, for example, he/she enjoys fashion style, then you should know how to appreciate his/her liking, and not merely asking him/her to dress or behave according to what you like and want. You are now claiming that you love him/her, but you are basically making him/her to be like your plasticine, shaping him/her based on your imagination and liking. Mind you, you are not living in your own world, you are now loving someone. Love should produce happiness and not restriction.

If you cannot do any of the above mentioned, then you should re-evaluate your love, because you actually love yourself instead of the one you claimed to be deeply in love with. Please be frank to yourself that your love is selfish.

Loving someone should have trust, understanding, respecting, and giving. If none of these exists, then please stop saying the word "love", because you are underestimating the meaning of the word.

2009-02-20T01:12:00.008+08:00

“把悲伤留给自己”

越来越不知道自己要的是什么。
梦想是什么？不知道。只知道梦想离我很远。
或者应该说，我已经没有梦想了？
也许吧，反正我真的回答不来我的现任梦想是什么。

小时候的冲劲，现在荡然无存，只剩躯壳慢无目的地走啊，走啊。
我的人生是无聊的。的确。我很想改变但却太懒散。

怨不得人，只能怨天，怨地，怨自己。

2009-01-20T02:01:00.008+08:00

"加油"

有些事实会很伤人，但不管多累，仍需面对。
故事的结尾不是我想象，原来我一直活在梦中。
是醒来的时候了，因为旁人都叫我醒。
白日梦是不会长久的，友人让我体会这一点。

虽然有朋友说，我是个值得被珍惜的人，
但又有几人愿意珍惜。
时过境迁，我还在原地寻觅，
而别人都已有完美的结局。

我不想自怜自艾，因为自尊很珍贵。
也只有尊严能让我抬头与你对望，不觉畏惧。
我不会输，我告诉自己。
而我相信，我会赢得最后胜利。

<<执笔：ENY>>

2009-01-11T18:08:00.009+08:00

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“3日记忆，情绪”---总结，原因。

那一夜我彻夜未眠，反复想起等不到你的夜。
机场灯光格外耀眼，照出了离别惆怅的颜色。
我坐在一旁，窥探着行色匆匆的人群，
更试图寻找着我所等待的熟悉脸庞。

没有你，不是你，开始祷告让我能找到你。
继续找，等奇迹，开始着急错过了你踪迹。
最后还是找不到，而心碎成了永恒记忆。
我只能依依不舍，让失落把我带离这里。

飞机起飞的声音震耳欲聋，也深深地震入我心中。
手里的礼物想飞入你怀中，将我祝福带至你心中。
时间会慢慢治疗伤口，也会把我带出梦境中。
是否有机会与你重逢，就让一切尽在不言中。

《执笔：ENY》

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2009-01-10T01:04:00.011+08:00

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“3日记忆，情绪”--- 第3夜，2009年1月8日

寒风吹进心里面的时候，寂寞便成了唯一的朋友。
又一次，我错过了你，错过了我所盼望的拥有。
始终，命运不容许我沉醉游走。

太想爱你的伤痛已足够，只好带着伤口寻找自由。
这一次，你离开了我，离开了我所向往的生活。
最终，命运决定了我必须自己向前走。

不能再说你没活在我生活，因为你的一切主宰了我生命的所有。
不想再想如何能握你的手，因为疲惫已经占据了我所有的伤口。
隐隐作痛的感觉始终不走，不走。到底什么时候我才能将你拥有？
好想把你的明天没收，让你能够在此一刻为我停留。

能否陪你到最后？能否与你走到世界的尽头？

《执笔：ENY》

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2009-01-10T00:23:00.016+08:00

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“3日记忆，情绪”--- 第2夜，2009年1月7日

心中淌血的滋味，旁人无从体会。
心里剩下的一切，是爱上你的累。
眼前的你无言以对，我想我一定让你非常疲惫。
请不要以拒绝面对，我真的想有你在身旁依偎。

爱你让我觉得好累，但却又让我非常回味。
我还是选择了继续沉醉，继续地无路可退。
独自承受了太多的负累，度过了无数的夜的黑。
是否能考虑试着共度寒冷的夜，或许我也能成为你的依偎。

不尝试又怎知道我爱得有多累，难道看不见我伤悲。
我为你留过无数的眼泪，你却总是视而不见。
时隔多年后或许你会忘了我是谁，但曾真心付出过总好过。。。
错过爱过你的美。

难道你绝不停留，坚决让我默读自己的伤悲？

《执笔：ENY》

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2009-01-10T00:04:00.013+08:00

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“3日记忆，情绪”--- 第一夜，2009年1月6日

你步伐太快，我只能在原地徘徊。
祈祷你向我看过来，知道我存在。
但是期望与现实往往让人受伤害，
是你让距离将我打败。

望着那大海，希望就此能把你抛开。
但你影子却不离开，还将我掩埋。
以为你的冷漠会让我不再有期待，
但我却情愿被自己出卖。

我的情是如此真，如此深，如此地让你觉得无奈。
爱情不是我想要就能结果花开。
习惯爱你了，已经没有选择只能让自己受伤害。
为何你就是不能明白。

你叫我别那么蠢，那么纯，那么地让你无比感慨。
别再等待你说得格外轻松自在。
可是爱上了，不是那么容易说想放就放得开。
若如此轻易，又怎么会有那么多人继续在等待，
这傻傻的爱。

事到如今，只有收回对你的告白，
伤透了的心，想放开你，只希望你能明白。

《执笔：ENY》

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